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VRATI ME NAZAD
ZNAŠ DA SI SRBIN KADA...
...imas lošu ocjenu iz istorije, ali zato znaš napamet sve srpske careve
i kraljeve.
...se na tvom venčanju jede: supa, sarma, pečenje i torta.
...na sopstvenom venčanju prepoznaš samo jednu trečinu gostiju.
...se na tvom venčanju obavezno peva pesma “Danas majka ženi svoga
sina”.
...imas kožnu jaknu, svilenu trenerku i mobilni.
...se bar jedan od tvojih drugova zove Dragan.
...imaš na zidu goblen “Kosovka devojka”.
...tvoj otac insistira da če te ubiti promaja.
...količina alkohola u tvojoj kuči uveliko prevazilazi količinu u
lokalnom kafiću.
...postoji najmanje jedan rodjak sa kojim tvoji roditelji neče da
razgovaraju.
...tvoja majka još uvek namešta tvoj krevet.
...čitaš i pišeš ćirilicu.
...slušaš kako su tvoji roditelji morali, pe nego što podju u školu, da
nahrane živinu i stoku, da pomuzu krave i koze...
...planiraš ceo svoj život na osnovu gledanja u prevrnutu šoljicu kafe.
...su zidovi tvoje kuče prepuni ikona svetaca.
...ti je zabranjeno da govoriš engeski u rodjenoj kuči.
...tvoji roditelji pričaju kako su do škole pešačili bosi i po pet
kilometara, sve preko stena.
...je jedan od tvojih rodjaka obavezno moler.
...tvoj otac tvrdi da nije rasista ali insistira da ceo svet treba da
govori srpski.
...živiš sa majkom i ocem sve dok se ne venčaš.
...se rakija upotrebljava kao lek, piće i za masiranje.
...se ljubiš sa nekim, ljubiš se TRI PUTA.
YOU KNOW
YOU ARE A SERB
WHEN...
- Your parents
have a shot of RAKIJA for breakfast.
- Even if
you're a girl, your parents (who can't remember your name) call
you (and
all of your siblings) "SINE".
- Your
mother insists you must eat something with 'KASIKA' at least three
times a
week.
- 'RAKIJA'
is used to cure all illnesses, celebrate all occasions, and as
massage
lotion.
- You
celebrate Christmas, Easter and New Years two weeks after everyone
else.
- At your
birthday everyone sings "EPPY BRZDAY TO YU!"
- When
your Baba will not accept the fact that you're just not hungry.
- Half of
your family suffers from the 'ZELUDAC' syndrome
- When
your 'BASHTA' contains a variety of peppers, onions and tomatoes.
- When your
parents constantly say you'll end up a nobody if you don't
graduate
from University (heehe!!)
- You go to
a restaurant and your parents say that you can wait to have
dessert at
home.
- Whenever
you go to your BABA's house, she offers you SUPA, SARMA,
PECENJE or
KOLACE and gets upset when you don't eat EVERYTHING.
- A cake or
KOLAC just isn't complete without a pound of sugar and ORASE.
- You are
at a ZABAVA and the guys try picking up by asking, 'Hey
baby,what's
your SLAVA?'
- All other
action stops when you hear the music of 'BOZE PRAVDE' OR
'SPREMTE
SE, SPREMTE'.
- Everyone
is sure you are Greek or Italian.
- You know
you are a Serb when you are a fan of whatever basketball team
Vlade Divac
is on.
- When your
mom calls you 'STOKA'.
- You can
always smell garlic on your parents' breath and they insist it
kills all
bacteria.
- When your
walls are crowded with icons of saints.
- You have
a Kosovka Devojka 'goblen' on the wall.
- You live
with your parents until you are married.
- There's a
slab of fat in your fridge called 'SLANINA'.
- Your
parents still prefer to buy tapes rather than CDs.
- Your mum
has a whole pharmacy in her medicine cabinet.
- You know
you are a Serb when your parents think everything is a
conspiracy...
VRATI ME NAZAD
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